The Patch...dealing with Dialysis.....

                             I must say I haven't blogged for a few out of lazyness and life. things have been happening that everyone who loves me and most who know me have had a first row seat into. The truth is i have been pretty frightened for the past few weeks about where i am and where i am going and though my journal has witnessed much of my fear, my blog hasn't. So...

FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW....
1. I recently found out i have kidney desease
2. I'm trying to find out what disabled really means cause as far as the world is concerned that's what i now am.
3. I'm still trying to be the backbone of my family, the hardass mom who can carry the world alone and it's getting old.
4. I am tring to get used to being hooked up to a machine 3 days a week.

So those are just a few of the drama induced issues i am trying to deal with right now. It is hard yes, and alone even harder though i am circled by people who really love me and i am forever grateful. Still....

The patch that covers my dialysis hook up on my right breast always reminds me of the fight i must now battle. I have been afraid but never enough to give up. I am here to stay and it's not solely out of faith but belief. I have come here for a purpose.... tis not achieved yet, ask me again in 40 years.

Death can not take you until you give it permission
It's wait unless God puts his foot down
is long with me
I will look at you carefully
as you will no doubt look at me
And still
I will STAND.....

A WEEKEND OF LEARNING...

               
             This weekend a friend came to visit. I have always loved meeing new people and I loved meeting her. She is down to earth, real and already a good friend. Somehow i don't think her weekend went as well as it should have. I was there and had it been my weekend i would have been much angrier than she displayed for she had every reason to be disappointed at the way things went, however she took the high road. She was strong and shook it off and had a great time regardless. She was a real trooper and taught me a thing or two about independence and being there when you say you will. I was proud to meet you miss G. and look forward to further visits.

The Performance....By: BlooWriter

I'm gonna do this!! I HAVE TO DO THIS!

The day began.
I began. Nervous. The day I would perform.
I had my words ready. My stomach i will not speak for.

There would be quite a few other performers that night and I was certain they would all be much better than me. More talented, inspired and definitely less worried.

But I had to do this, dispite the gitters in my gut, the indicision, the honest belief that I would choke. And so I cluttered my mind and hands with things to do and decided the day would play out as it would.

I helped with the venue, greetings, laughing with the fabulous women who were there as well to share their words, their life experiences.

It gave me Strength, hope and the will to make it fly.
As the ladies gathered and began expressing their fears I realized I was among sisters in my very same shoes.
nervous ones
fearful ones...
and I knew i was among family.

As I took the stage encourgement sprang from every corner of the room and I knew then

I CAN DO THIS..

And i did.