A word on Jealousy

At times I find that my mind twirls endlessly as if it's not my own. So many things make me tick and I am at times confused at my reactions to things. I am a jealous person, not to be confused with envious, that I am not. I don't covet anyone's anything that I know of. Not money, love or possessions for I'm of the thought that everyone should have equal parts of all of it. Still I'm jealous of issues involving love and as I am one to analyze everything, this is no different. In truth I find it hard for me to consider this. I find this issue to be for insecure people and I find myself quite confident on most occasions and situations so this is hard. It all boils down to this, when it comes to relationships with a man my feet are seldom well planted. I work hard at my relationships yet it seems I'm always waiting for the left shoe to drop. Always waiting for him to do me wrong, or always waiting for the "aha!" I caught you with the hoe moment. I know all the reasons why. I was cheated on, lied to, played with etc. We all often know the drama behind the illusion. What I ask of myself here is how do you fix it? How do you let go of past pain and cross the threshold to new belief? How do you believe in a person who has never done you wrong and do you take that faith-filled chance with both eyes open when you dive in. How do you kill the sceptic always invading your inner orb with poisonous influence, always with that small sliver of past heart puncture wounds reminding you that you have failed at this before. How do you give yourself over to another expecting the respect no one has ever shown you before? The truth is I don't know. I sway and I quake at any given moment. I become paralytic with fear at other moments and sometimes I become the fuck it all cynic. Yet again sometimes great possibility takes over and the world is sunshine and rainbows. So I guess my answer is simple. One day at a time, with a grain of salt and of course, a little faith but keep moving. Trust your gut, do your best and most of all on your way to a new love, leave your baggage at the door on your way in.


- BlooWriter